Beyond Feelings: Growing Agape Love to Control Emotional Reactions
- Andrea Ruth Walker
- May 16, 2025
- 5 min read
Updated: Jul 21, 2025
The Seven Types of Love: Six Emotion-Based and One Verb-Based
There are seven types of love. Six of them are emotion-based. One of them is a verb, an action-base. And the more that you grow that action-based love, the more that you can control the emotions created in the mind.
Agape (Verb): Unconditional, sacrificial love; God's love for humanity and our highest calling.
As described in 1 Corinthians 13:4-8: "Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails."
The Other Six Types of Love:
Eros (Noun): Romantic, passionate love driven by attraction and desire.
Philia (Noun): Deep friendship love based on mutual respect and goodwill.
Storge (Noun): Familial love, the natural affection between parents and children.
Ludus (Noun): Playful, flirtatious love without serious commitment.
Pragma (Noun): Practical love built on reason, duty, and long-term best interests.
Philautia (Noun): Self-love, which in healthy forms involves proper self-care.
While the first six types are primarily nouns—feelings we experience—Agape stands alone as the verb-based love that requires conscious choice regardless of emotion.
Events, Meanings, and Chemical Reactions Create Emotions
We all have moments when our emotions take control. They shape the feelings we experience in our bodies. But what determines an emotion? An event sparks a meaning. This meaning triggers a chemical reaction, leading to an emotion. The body then translates this emotion into a feeling.
What does that mean? Every time something happens that supports a positive view of yourself, you feel good. Whenever an event triggers a negative belief or identity about yourself, you feel bad.
Building Verb-Based Agape Love as Your Foundation
The Bible says God is love. It also explains what this love means. Love is patient and kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, and love never fails.
Build this kind of love as your foundation—this action, this choice. Then, all other love you feel will follow this example.
Growing Agape Love to Control Emotional Reactions
So here's an easy example to follow. You have a spouse, and that spouse does something very irritating. If verb-based love isn't fully developed, your feelings and actions will differ greatly from someone who has nurtured this love for a long time.
So a person who has grown in patience is going to have a different chemical reaction in the brain and a different result in their feelings. Many people who lack a strong, verb-based love might think their partner is being irritating on purpose. They may believe that if their partner truly loved them, they would stop the annoying behaviour. Neither of these things are true at all.
But a person who has developed patience and kindness and perseverance and has reduced the level of pride in their life and all these other things has an ability to override the thought that "if my spouse truly loved me, then they would..."
Aligning Your Identity With Agape Love
The best love comes when you align your identity with what the Bible says about you. Instead of believing what others said in your childhood or defining yourself by past events, you can break free from those limiting thoughts. You are not just the sum of your past. When you do this, you can truly experience love.
It takes time to grow this kind of fruit in your life, and it takes time to grow this type of fruit in your relationships. But you can pray. You can say, "Heavenly Father, please show me where I lack this foundational love in my life. Help me change and grow in Jesus' mighty name."
"Heavenly Father, show me everywhere that I am lacking this foundational verb-based love in my life and help me change and grow in Jesus' mighty name."
Choosing Love Through Action Despite Emotions
Three Questions to Assess Your Agape Love Growth in Relationships
When was the last time you chose to love someone through action when your emotions were pulling you in the opposite direction? Reflect on this situation and consider how your response might have differed if you had relied solely on your feelings.
Which aspect of Agape love (patience, kindness, humility, etc.) do you find most challenging to practice consistently? Identifying your specific growth areas helps focus your spiritual development efforts.
How often do you find yourself keeping "records of wrongs" in your closest relationships? This practice directly contradicts Agape love, which "keeps no record of wrongs" and requires true forgiveness.
Developing Verb-Based Love: A Lifelong Journey
Instructions:Â Take 15 minutes to complete this reflective writing exercise:
At the top of a page, write the aspect of Agape love you most need to develop (patience, kindness, etc.).
Describe a recent situation where you struggled to demonstrate this quality. Be specific about:
What happened
What you felt emotionally
How you responded
What you wish you had done differently
Write a practical action plan with 3 specific steps you can take the next time a similar situation arises.
Close with a personal prayer asking God to help you grow in this area of Agape love.
Commit to reviewing this exercise weekly and updating it as you grow. Remember that developing verb-based love is a lifelong journey that transforms not just your relationships with others, but your relationship with yourself and with God.
Continue Your Agape Love Journey
Ready to deepen your understanding and practice of Agape love? I've created these resources to support your spiritual growth:
📺 Watch the Full Teaching Video
Experience this teaching on Agape love come alive! In my detailed video presentation, I break down each component of verb-based love and provide additional examples not covered in this article. Subscribe to my channel for weekly teachings on spiritual growth. WATCH NOW
📓 Complete Agape Love Workbook
Transform your understanding into daily practice with my comprehensive workbook. This guide explores all 15 facets of Agape love from 1 Corinthians 13: patience, kindness, freedom from envy, humility (not boasting or being proud), honor (not dishonoring others), selflessness (not self-seeking), emotional control (not easily angered), forgiveness (keeping no record of wrongs), rejoicing in truth (not delighting in evil), protection, trust, hope, perseverance, and unfailing commitment. Each section includes Scripture studies, reflection prompts, and practical exercises. GET THE WORKBOOK →
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